How To Write Unmaintainable Code

[CMP_home] Last updated Monday, 14-Feb-2000 15:17:32 PDT by Roedy Green
©1997-2000 Canadian Mind Products.

Introduction

     Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by
     incompetence.

Napoleon

Because of the slashdot plug, hits peaked at 250 a second on this page, and
the hit counters stopped kicking over. I am also getting a slew of email
with suggestions for ever more subtle techniques of writing unmaintainable
code. It will take a while for me to get back to you and to incorporate your
suggestions. Please be patient. The essay has been like rock candy, seed the
string with sugar, soak in sugar water, soon it grows out of control.

An earlier version of this essay is also available in Spanish.

In the interests of creating employment opportunities in the Java
programming field, I am passing on these tips from the masters on how to
write code that is so difficult to maintain, that the people who come after
you will take years to make even the simplest changes. Further, if you
follow all these rules religiously, you will even guarantee yourself a
lifetime of employment, since no one but you has a hope in hell of
maintaining the code. Then again, if you followed all these rules
religiously, even you wouldn't be able to maintain the code!

General Principles

To foil the maintenance programmer, you have to understand how he thinks. He
has your giant program. He has no time to read it all, much less understand
it. He wants to rapidly find the place to make his change, make it and get
out and have no unexpected side effects from the change.

He views your code through a tube taken from the centre of a roll of toilet
paper. He can only see a tiny piece of your program at a time. You want to
make sure he can never get the big picture from doing that. You want to make
it as hard as possible for him to find the code he is looking for. But even
more important, you want to make it as awkward as possible for him to safely
ignore anything.

You might get the idea that every language feature makes code unmaintainable
-- not so, only if properly misused.

Specific Techniques

  1. Lie in the comments. You don't have to actively lie, just fail to keep
     comments as up to date with the code.
  2. Pepper the code with comments like /* add 1 to i */ however, never
     document wooly stuff like the overall purpose of the package or method.
  3. Make sure that every method does a little bit more (or less) than its
     name suggests. As a simple example, a method named isValid(x) should as
     a side effect convert x to binary and store the result in a database.
  4. Use acronyms to keep the code terse. Real men never define acronyms;
     they understand them genetically.
  5. In the interests of efficiency, avoid encapsulation. Callers of a
     method need all the external clues they can get to remind them how the
     method works inside.
  6. If, for example, you were writing an airline reservation system, make
     sure there are at least 25 places in the code that need to be modified
     if you were to add another airline. Never document where they are.
     People who come after you have no business modifying your code without
     thoroughly understanding every line of it.
  7. In the name of efficiency, use cut/paste/clone/modify. This works much
     faster than using many small reusable modules.
  8. Never put a comment on a variable. Facts about how the variable is
     used, its bounds, its legal values, its implied/displayed number of
     decimal points, its units of measure, its display format, its data
     entry rules (e.g. total fill, must enter), when its value can be
     trusted etc. should be gleaned from the procedural code. If your boss
     forces you to write comments, lard method bodies with them, but never
     comment a variable, not even a temporary!
  9. Try to pack as much as possible into a single line. This saves the
     overhead of temporary variables, and makes source files shorter by
     eliminating new line characters and white space. Tip: remove all white
     space around operators. Good programmers can often hit the 255
     character line length limit imposed by some editors. The bonus of long
     lines is that programmers who cannot read 6 point type must scroll to
     view them.
 10. Cd wrttn wtht vwls s mch trsr. When using abbreviations inside variable
     or method names, break the boredom with several variants for the same
     word, and even spell it out longhand once in while. This helps defeat
     those lazy bums who use text search to understand only some aspect of
     your program. Consider variant spellings as a variant on the ploy, e.g.
     mixing International colour, with American color and dude-speak kulerz.
     If you spell out names in full, there is only one possible way to spell
     each name. These are too easy for the maintenance programmer to
     remember. Because there are so many different ways to abbreviate a
     word, with abbreviations, you can have several different variables that
     all have the same apparent purpose. As an added bonus, the maintenance
     programmer might not even notice they are separate variables.
 11. Never use an automated source code tidier (beautifier) to keep your
     code aligned. Lobby to have them banned them from your company on the
     grounds they create false deltas in PVCS (version control tracking) or
     that every programmer should have his own indenting style held forever
     sacrosanct for any module he wrote. Insist that other programmers
     observe those idiosyncratic conventions in "his " modules. Banning
     beautifiers is quite easy, even though they save the millions of
     keystrokes doing manual alignment and days wasted misinterpreting
     poorly aligned code. Just insist that everyone use the same tidied
     format, not just for storing in the common repository, but also while
     they are editing. This starts an RWAR and the boss, to keep the peace,
     will ban automated tidying. Without automated tidying, you are now free
     to accidentally misalign the code to give the optical illusion that
     bodies of loops and ifs are longer or shorter than they really are, or
     that else clauses match a different if than they really do. e.g.

     if(a)
       if(b)x = y;
     else x = z;

 12. Never underestimate how much havoc you can create by indenting with
     tabs instead of spaces, especially when there is no corporate standard
     on how much indenting a tab represents. Embed tabs inside string
     literals, or use a tool to convert spaces to tabs that will do that for
     you.
 13. Never put in any { } surrounding your if/else blocks unless they are
     syntactically obligatory. If you have a deeply nested mixture of
     if/else statements and blocks, especially with misleading indentation,
     you can trip up even an expert maintenance programmer.
 14. Rigidly follow the guidelines about no goto, no early returns, and no
     labelled breaks especially when you can increase the if/else nesting
     depth by at least 5 levels.
 15. Use very long variable names or class names that differ from each other
     by only one character, or only in upper/lower case. An ideal variable
     name pair is swimmer and swimner. Exploit the failure of most fonts to
     clearly discriminate between ilI1| or oO08 with identifier pairs like
     parselnt and parseInt or D0Calc and DOCalc. l is an exceptionally fine
     choice for a variable name since it will, to the casual glance,
     masquerade as the constant 1. Create variable names that differ from
     each other only in case e.g. HashTable and Hashtable.
 16. Wherever scope rules permit, reuse existing unrelated variable names.
     Similarly, use the same temporary variable for two unrelated purposes
     (purporting to save stack slots). For a fiendish variant, morph the
     variable, for example, assign a value to a variable at the top of a
     very long method, and then somewhere in the middle, change the meaning
     of the variable in a subtle way, such as converting it from a 0-based
     coordinate to a 1-based coordinate. Be certain not to document this
     change in meaning.
 17. Use lower case l to indicate long constants. e.g. 10l is more likely to
     be mistaken for 101 that 10L is.
 18. Ignore the conventions in Java for where to use upper case in variable
     and class names i.e. Classes start with upper case, variables with
     lower case, constants are all upper case, with internal words
     capitalised. After all, Sun does (e.g. instanceof vs isInstanceOf,
     Hashtable). Not to worry, the compiler won't even issue a warning to
     give you away. If your boss forces you to use the conventions, when
     there is any doubt about whether an internal word should be
     capitalised, avoid capitalising or make a random choice, e.g. use both
     inputFileName and outputfilename. You can of course drive your team
     members insane by inventing your own insanely complex naming
     conventions then berate others for not following them. The ultimate
     technique is to create as many variable names as possible that differ
     subtlely from each other only in case.
 19. Never use i for the innermost loop variable. Use anything but. Use i
     liberally for any other purpose especially for non-int variables.
     Similarly use n as a loop index.
 20. Never use local variables. Whenever you feel the temptation to use one,
     make it into an instance or static variable instead to unselfishly
     share it with all the other methods of the class. This will save you
     work later when other methods need similar declarations. C++
     programmers can go a step further by making all variables global.
 21. Never document gotchas in the code. If you suspect there may be a bug
     in a class, keep it to yourself. If you have ideas about how the code
     should be reorganised or rewritten, for heaven's sake, do not write
     them down. Remember the words of Thumper "If you can't say anything
     nice, don't say anything at all". What if the programmer who wrote that
     code saw your comments? What if the owner of the company saw them? What
     if a customer did? You could get yourself fired.
 22. To break the boredom, use a thesaurus to look up as much alternate
     vocabulary as possible to refer to the same action, e.g. display, show,
     present. Vaguely hint there is some subtle difference, where none
     exists. However, if there are two similar functions that have a crucial
     difference, always use the same word in describing both functions (e.g.
     print to mean write to a file, and to a print on a laser, and to
     display on the screen). Under no circumstances, succumb to demands to
     write a glossary with the special purpose project vocabulary
     unambiguously defined. Doing so would be unprofessional breach of the
     structured design principle of information hiding.
 23. In naming functions, make heavy use of abstract words like it,
     everything, data, handle, stuff, do, routine, perform and the digits
     e.g. routineX48, PerformDataFunction, DoIt, HandleStuff and
     do_args_method.
 24. In Java, all primitives passed as parameters are effectively read-only
     because they are passed by value. The callee can modify the parameters,
     but that has no effect on the caller's variables. In contrast all
     objects passed are read-write. The reference is passed by value, which
     means the object itself is effectively passed by reference. The callee
     can do whatever it wants to the fields in your object. Never document
     whether a method actually modifies the fields in each of the passed
     parameters. Name your methods to suggest they only look at the fields
     when they actually change them.
 25. Never document the units of measure of any variable, input, output or
     parameter. e.g. feet, metres, cartons. This is not so important in bean
     counting, but it is very important in engineering work. As a corollary,
     never document the units of measure of any conversion constants, or how
     the values were derived. It is mild cheating, but very effective, to
     salt the code with some incorrect units of measure in the comments. If
     you are feeling particularly malicious, make up your own unit of
     measure; name it after yourself or some obscure person and never define
     it. If somebody challenges you, tell them you did so that you could use
     integer rather than floating point arithmetic.
 26. In engineering work there are two ways to code. One is to convert all
     inputs to S.I. (metric) units of measure, then do your calculations
     then convert back to various civil units of measure for output. The
     other is to maintain the various mixed measure systems throughout.
     Always choose the second. It's the American way!
 27. I am going to let you in on a little-known coding secret. Exceptions
     are a pain in the behind. Properly-written code never fails, so
     exceptions are actually unnecessary. Don't waste time on them.
     Subclassing exceptions is for incompetents who know their code will
     fail. You can greatly simplify your program by having only a single
     try/catch in the entire application (in main) that calls System.exit().
     Just stick a perfectly standard set of throws on every method header
     whether they could throw any exceptions or not.
 28. C compilers transform myArray[i] into *(myArray + i), which is
     equivalent to *(i + myArray) which is equivalent to i[myArray]. Experts
     know to put this to good use. Unfortunately, this technique can only be
     used in native classes.
 29. If you have an array with 100 elements in it, hard code the literal 100
     in as many places in the program as possible. Never use a static final
     named constant for the 100, or refer to it as myArray.length. To make
     changing this constant even more difficult, use the literal 50 instead
     of 100/2, or 99 instead of 100-1. You can futher disguise the 100 by
     checking for a == 101 instead of a > 100 or a > 99 instead of a >= 100.

     Consider things like page sizes, where the lines consisting of x
     header, y body, and z footer lines, you can apply the obfuscations
     independently to each of these and to their partial or total sums.

     These time-honoured techniques are especially effective in a program
     with two unrelated arrays that just accidentally happen to both have
     100 elements. There are even more fiendish variants. To lull the
     maintenance programmer into a false sense of security, dutifully create
     the named constant, but very occasionally "accidentally" use the
     literal 100 value instead of the named constant. Most fiendish of all,
     in place of the literal 100 or the correct named constant, sporadically
     use some other unrelated named constant that just accidentally happens
     to have the value 100, for now. It almost goes without saying that you
     should avoid any consistent naming scheme that would associate an array
     name with its size constant.
 30. Eschew any form of table-driven logic. It starts out innocently enough,
     but soon leads to end users proofreading and then shudder, even
     modifying the tables for themselves.
 31. Nest as deeply as you can. Good coders can get up to 10 levels of ( )
     on a single line and 20 { } in a single method. C++ coders have the
     additional powerful option of preprocessor nesting totally independent
     of the nest structure of the underlying code. You earn extra Brownie
     points whenever the beginning and end of a block appear on separate
     pages in a printed listing. Wherever possible, convert nested ifs into
     nested [? :] ternaries.
 32. Join a computer book of the month club. Select authors who appear to be
     too busy writing books to have had any time to actually write any code
     themselves. Browse the local bookstore for titles with lots of cloud
     diagrams in them and no coding examples. Skim these books to learn
     obscure pedantic words you can use to intimidate the whippersnappers
     that come after you. Your code should impress. If people can't
     understand your vocabulary, they must assume that you are very
     intelligent and that your algorithms are very deep. Avoid any sort of
     homely analogies in your algorithm explanations.
 33. Make "improvements" to your code often, and force users to upgrade
     often - after all, no one wants to be running an outdated version. Just
     because they think they're happy with the program as it is, just think
     how much happier they will be after you've "fixed" it! Don't tell
     anyone what the differences between versions are unless you are forced
     to - after all, why tell someone about bugs in the old version they
     might never have noticed otherwise?
 34. The About Box should contain only the name of the program, the names of
     the coders and a copyright notice written in legalese. Ideally it
     should link to several megs of code that produce an entertaining
     animated display. However, it should never contain a description of
     what the program is for, its minor version number, or the date of the
     most recent code revision, or the website where to get the updates, or
     the author's email address. This way all the users will soon all be
     running on different versions, and will attempt to install version N+2
     before installing version N+1.
 35. The more changes you can make between versions the better, you don't
     want users to become bored with the same old API or user interface year
     after year. Finally, if you can make this change without the users
     noticing, this is better still - it will keep them on their toes, and
     keep them from becoming complacent.
 36. If you have to write classes for some other programmer to use, put
     environment-checking code (getenv() in C++ / System.getProperty() in
     Java) in your classes' nameless static initializers, and pass all your
     arguments to the classes this way, rather than in the constructor
     methods. The advantage is that the initializer methods get called as
     soon as the class program binaries get loaded, even before any of the
     classes get instantiated, so they will usually get executed before the
     program main(). In other words, there will be no way for the rest of
     the program to modify these parameters before they get read into your
     classes - the users better have set up all their environment variables
     just the way you had them!
 37. Choose your variable names to have absolutely no relation to the labels
     used when such variables are displayed on the screen. E.g. on the
     screen label the field "Postal Code" but in the code call the
     associated variable "zip".
 38. Java lets you create methods that have the same name as the class, but
     that are not constructors. Exploit this to sow confusion.
 39. Never use layouts. That way when the maintenance programmer adds one
     more field he will have to manually adjust the absolute co-ordinates of
     every other thing displayed on the screen. If your boss forces you to
     use a layout, use a single giant GridBagLayout, and hard code in
     absolute grid co-ordinates.
 40. In Java, disdain the interface. If your supervisors complain, tell them
     that Java interfaces force you to "cut-and-paste" code between
     different classes that implement the same interface the same way, and
     they know how hard that would be to maintain. Instead, do as the Java
     AWT designers did - put lots of functionality in your classes that can
     only be used by classes that inherit from them, and use lots of
     "instanceof" checks in your methods. This way, if someone wants to
     reuse your code, they have to extend your classes. If they want to
     reuse your code from two different classes - tough luck, they can't
     extend both of them at once!
 41. Make all of your leaf classes final. After all, you're done with the
     project - certainly no one else could possibly improve on your work by
     extending your classes. And it might even be a security flaw - after
     all, isn't java.lang.String final for just this reason? If other coders
     in your project complain, tell them about the execution speed
     improvement you're getting.
 42. Make as many of your variables as possible static. If you don't need
     more than one instance of the class in this program, no one else ever
     will either. Again, if other coders in the project complain, tell them
     about the execution speed improvement you're getting.
 43. Keep all of your unused and outdated methods and variables around in
     your code. After all - if you needed to use it once in 1976, who knows
     if you will want to use it again sometime? Sure the program's changed
     since then, but it might just as easily change back, you "don't want to
     have to reinvent the wheel" (supervisors love talk like that). If you
     have left the comments on those methods and variables untouched, and
     sufficiently cryptic, anyone maintaining the code will be too scared to
     touch them.
 44. On a method called makeSnafucated insert only the comment /* make
     snafucated */. Never define what snafucated means anywhere. Only a fool
     does not already know, with complete certainty, what snafucated means.
 45. Reverse the parameters on a method called drawRectangle(height, width)
     to drawRectangle(width, height) without making any change whatsoever to
     the name of the method. Then a few releases later, reverse it back
     again. The maintenance programmers can't tell by quickly looking at any
     call if it has been adjusted yet. Generalisations are left as an
     exercise for the reader.
 46. Instead of using a parameters to a single method, create as many
     separate methods as you can. For example instead of setAlignment(int
     alignment) where alignment is an enumerated constant, for left, right,
     center, create three methods: setLeftAlignment, setRightAlignment, and
     setCenterAlignment. Of course, for the full effect, you must clone the
     common logic to make it hard to keep in sync.
 47. The Kama Sutra technique has the added advantage of driving any users
     or documenters of the package to distraction as well as the maintenance
     programmers. Create a dozen overloaded variants of the same method that
     differ in only the most minute detail. I think it was Oscar Wilde who
     observed that positions 47 and 115 of the Kama Sutra were the same
     except in 115 the woman had her fingers crossed. Users of the package
     then have to carefully peruse the long list of methods to figure out
     just which variant to use. The technique also balloons the
     documentation and thus ensures it will more likely be out of date. If
     the boss asks why you are doing this, explain it is solely for the
     convenience of the users. Again for the full effect, clone any common
     logic.
 48. Declare every method and variable public. After all, somebody, sometime
     might want to use it. Once a method has been declared public, it can't
     very well be retracted, now can it? This makes it very difficult to
     later change the way anything works under the covers. It also has the
     delightful side effect of obscuring what a class is for. If the boss
     asks if you are out of your mind, tell him you are following the
     classic principles of transparent interfaces.
 49. In C++, overload library functions by using #define. That way it looks
     like you are using a familiar library function where in actuality you
     are using something totally different.
 50. In C++, overload +,-,*,/ to do things totally unrelated to addition,
     subtraction etc. After all, if the Stroustroup can use the shift
     operator to do I/O, why should you not be equally creative? If you
     overload +, make sure you do it in a way that i = i + 5; has a totally
     different meaning from i += 5;
 51. When documenting, and you need an arbitrary name to represent a
     filename use "file ". Never use an obviously arbitrary name like
     "Charlie.dat" or "Frodo.txt". In general, in your examples, use
     arbitrary names that sound as much like reserved keywords as possible.
     For example, good names for parameters or variables would be: "bank",
     "blank", "class", "const ", "constant", "input", "key", "keyword",
     "kind", "output", "parameter" "parm", "system", "type", "value", "var"
     and "variable ". If you use actual reserved words for your arbitrary
     names, which would be rejected by your command processor or compiler,
     so much the better. If you do this well, the users will be hopelessly
     confused between reserved keywords and arbitrary names in your example,
     but you can look innocent, claiming you did it to help them associate
     the appropriate purpose with each variable.
 52. Always document your command syntax with your own, unique, undocumented
     brand of BNF notation. Never explain the syntax by providing a suite of
     annotated sample valid and invalid commands. That would demonstrate a
     complete lack of academic rigour. Railway diagrams are almost as
     gauche. Make sure there is no obvious way of telling a terminal symbol
     (something you would actually type) from an intermediate one --
     something that represents a phrase in the syntax. Never use typeface,
     colour, caps, or any other visual clues to help the reader distinguish
     the two. Use the exact same punctuation glyphs in your BNF notation
     that you use in the command language itself, so the reader can never
     tell if a (...), [...], {...} or "..." is something you actually type
     as part of the command, or is intended to give clues about which syntax
     elements are obligatory, repeatable or optional in your BNF notation.
     After all, if they are too stupid to figure out your variant of BNF,
     they have no business using your program.
 53. The macro preprocessor offers great opportunities for obfuscation. The
     key technique is to nest macro expansions several layers deep so that
     you have to discover all the various parts in many different *.hpp
     files. Placing executable code into macros then including those macros
     in every *.cpp file (even those that never use those macros) will
     maximize the amount of recompilation necessary if ever that code
     changes.
 54. Java is schizophrenic about array declarations. You can do them the old
     C, way String x[], (which uses mixed pre-postfix notation) or the new
     way String[] x, which uses pure prefix notation. If you want to really
     confuse people, mix the notations: e.g.
          byte[] rowvector, colvector, matrix[];
     which is equivalent to:
          byte[] rowvector;
          byte[] colvector;
          byte[][] matrix;
 55. Java offers great opportunity for obfuscation whenever you have to
     convert. As a simple example, if you have to convert a double to a
     String, go circuitously, via Double with new Double(d).toString()
     rather than the more direct Double.toString(d). You can, of course, be
     far more circuitous than that! Avoid any conversion techniques
     recommended by the Conversion Amanuensis. You get bonus points for
     every extra temporary object you leave littering the heap after your
     conversion.
 56. Use threads with abandon.
 57. Use exceptions for non-exceptional conditions. Routinely terminate
     loops with an ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException. Pass return standard
     results from a method in an exception.
 58. Never check input data for any kind of correctness or discrepancies. It
     will demonstrate that you absolutely trust the company's equipment as
     well as that you are a perfect team player who trusts all project
     partners and system operators. Always return reasonable values even
     when data inputs are questionable or erroneous.
 59. If your boss thinks that his or her 20 year old FORTRAN experience is
     an excellent guide to contemporary programming, rigidly follow all his
     or her recommendations. As a result, the boss will trust you. That may
     help you in your career. You will learn many new methods to obfuscate
     program code.
 60. Use octal constants. Smuggle them into a list of decimal numbers like
     this:
          array = new int []
               {
               111,
               120,
               013,
               121,
               };
 61. You don't need great skill to write unmaintainable code. Just leap in
     and start coding. Keep in mind that management still measures
     productivity in lines of code even if you have to delete most of it
     later.
 62. Stick with what you know and travel light; if you only carry a hammer
     then all problems are nails.
 63. Be never vigilant of the next Y2K. If you ever spot something that
     could sneak up on a fixed deadline and destroy all life in the western
     hemisphere then do not openly discuss it until we are under the
     critical 4 year till event window of panic and opportunity. Do not tell
     friends, coworkers, or other competent people of your discovery. Under
     no circumstances attempt to publish anything that might hint at this
     new and tremendously profitable threat. Do send one normal priority,
     jargon encrypted, memo to upper management to cover-your-a$$. If at all
     possible attach the jargon encrypted information as a rider on an
     otherwise unrelated plain-text memo pertaining to a more immediately
     pressing business concern. Rest assured that we all see the threat too.
     Sleep sound at night knowing that long after you've been forced into
     early retirement you will be begged to come back at a logarithmically
     increased hourly rate!
 64. Whenever possible ignore the coding standards currently in use by
     thousands of developers in your project's target language and
     environment. For example insist on STL style coding standards when
     writing an MFC based application.
 65. Include powerful third party libraries in your project and then don't
     use them. With practice you can remain completely ignorant of good
     tools and add the unused tools to your resume in your "Other Tools"
     section.
 66. Feign ignorance of libraries that are directly included with your
     development tool. If coding in Visual C++ ignore the presence of MFC or
     the STL and code all character strings and arrays by hand; this helps
     keep your pointer skills sharp and it automatically foils any attempts
     to extend the code.
 67. Always refuse to accept advances in the development environment arena.
     Disbelieve rumors that all functions and variables are never more than
     one click away and always assume that code developed in Visual Studio
     6.0 will be maintained by someone using edlin or vi. To this end insist
     on Draconian commenting rules that bury the source code.
 68. Hungarian Notation is the tactical nuclear weapon of source code
     obfuscation techniques; use it! Due to the sheer volume of source code
     contaminated by this idiom nothing can kill a maintenance engineer
     faster than a well planned Hungarian Notation attack. The following
     tips will help you corrupt the original intent of Hungarian Notation:
        o Insist on using "c" for const in C++ and other languages that
          directly enforce the const-ness of a variable.
        o Seek out and use Hungarian warts that have meaning in languages
          other than your current language. For example insist on the
          PowerBuilder "l_" and "a_ " {local and argument} scoping prefixes
          and always use the VB-esque style of having a Hungarian wart for
          every control type when coding to C++. Try to stay ignorant of the
          fact that megs of plainly visible MFC source code does not use
          Hungarian warts for control types.
        o Always violate the Hungarian principle that the most commonly used
          variables should carry the least extra information around with
          them. Achieve this end through the techniques outlined above and
          by insisting that each class type have a custom wart prefix. Never
          allow anyone to remind you that no wart tells you that something
          is a class. The importance of this rule cannot be overstated: if
          you fail to adhere to its principles the source code may become
          flooded with shorter variable names that have a higher
          vowel/consonant ratio. In the worst case scenario this can lead to
          a full collapse of obfuscation and the spontaneous reappearance of
          English Notation in code!
        o Flagrantly violate the Hungarian-esque concept that function
          parameters and other high visibility symbols must be given
          meaningful names, but that Hungarian type warts all by themselves
          make excellent temporary variable names.
        o Insist on carrying outright orthogonal information in your
          Hungarian warts. Consider this real world example:
          "a_crszkvc30LastNameCol". It took a team of maintenance engineers
          nearly 3 days to figure out that this whopper variable name
          described a const, reference, function argument that was holding
          information from a database column of type Varchar[30] named
          "LastName" which was part of the table's primary key. When
          properly combined with the principle that "all variables should be
          public" this technique has the power to render thousands of lines
          of source code obsolete instantly!
        o Use to your advantage the principle that the human brain can only
          hold 7 pieces of information concurrently. For example code
          written to the above standard has the following properties:
             + a single assignment statement carries 14 pieces of type and
               name information.
             + a single function call that passes three parameters and
               assigns a result carries 29 pieces of type and name
               information.
             + Seek to improve this excellent, but far too concise,
               standard. Impress management and coworkers by recommending a
               5 letter day of the week prefix to help isolate code written
               on 'Monam' and 'FriPM'.
             + It is easy to overwhelm the short term memory with even a
               moderately complex nesting structure, especially when the
               maintenance programmer can't see the start and end of each
               block on screen simultaneously.
 69. Create a build order that is so elaborate that no maintainer could ever
     get any of his or her fixes to compile. Keep secret SmartJ which
     renders make scripts almost obsolete. Similarly, keep secret that the
     javac compiler is also available as a class. On pain of death, never
     reveal how easy it is to write and maintain a speedy little custom java
     program to find the files and do the make.
 70. This trick works especially well in Ada, a language immune to many of
     the standard obfuscation techniques. The people who originally named
     all the objects and packages you use were morons. Rather than try to
     convince them to change, just use renames and subtypes to rename
     everything to names of your own devising. Make sure to leave a few
     references to the old names in, as a trap for the unwary.
 71. Extended ASCII characters are perfectly valid as variable names,
     including ß, Ð, and ñ characters. They are quite impossible to type
     without copying/pasting.
 72. If you cannot find the right English word to convey the meaning of a
     temporary variable (and you ignore the other suggestions about not
     giving meaningful names to variables), you may use a foreign language
     word as the name of the variable. For example, instead of using
     variable "p" for a "point", you may use "punkt", which is the German
     word for it. Maintenance coders without your firm grasp of German will
     enjoy the multicultural experience of deciphering the meaning. It
     breaks the tedium of an otherwise tiring and thankless job.
 73. Some companies have a strict policy of no numeric literals; you must
     use named constants. It is fairly easy to foil the intent of this
     policy. For example, one clever C++ programmer wrote:

     #defineK_ONE 1
     #define K_TWO 2
     #define K_THOUSAND 999

 74. #define in C++ deserves an entire essay on its own to explore its rich
     possibilities for obfuscation. Use lower case #define variables so they
     masquerade as ordinary variables. Never use parameters to your
     preprocessor functions. Do everything with global #defines. One of the
     most imaginative uses of the preprocessor I have heard of was requiring
     five passes through CPP before the code was ready to compile.
 75. Whenever you have to use methods in code you did not write, insulate
     your code from that other dirty code by at least one layer of wrapper.
     After all, the other author might some time in the future recklessly
     rename every method. Then where would you be? You could of course, if
     he did such a thing, insulate your code from the changes by writing a
     wrapper or you could let VAJ handle the global rename. However, this is
     the perfect excuse to preemptively cut him off at the pass with a
     wrapper layer of indirection, before he does anything idiotic. One of
     Java's main faults is that there is no way to solve many simple
     problems without dummy wrapper methods that do nothing but call another
     method of the same name, or a closely related name. This means it is
     possible to write wrappers four-levels deep that do absolutely nothing,
     and almost no one will notice. To maximise the obscuration, at each
     level, rename the methods, selecting random synonyms from a thesaurus.
     This gives the illusion something of note is happening. Further, the
     renaming helps ensure the lack of consistent project terminology. To
     ensure no one attempts to prune your levels back to a reasonable
     number, invoke your code at the application level via each of the
     levels.
 76. Follow the language lawyer discussions in the newsgroups about what
     various bits of tricky code should do e.g. a=a++; or f(a++,a++); then
     sprinkle your code liberally with the examples.

Philosophy

The people who design languages are the people who write the compilers and
system classes. Quite naturally they design to make their work easy and
mathematically elegant. However, there are 10,000 maintenance programmers to
every compiler writer. The grunt maintenance programmers have absolutely no
say in the design of languages. Yet the total amount of code they write
dwarfs the code in the compilers.

An example of the result of this sort of elitist thinking is the JDBC
interface. It makes life easy for the JDBC implementor, but a nightmare for
the maintenance programmer. It is far clumsier than the Fortran interface
that came out with SQL three decades ago.

Maintenance programmers, if somebody ever consulted them, would demand ways
to hide the housekeeping details so they could see the forest for the trees.
They would demand all sorts of shortcuts so they would not have to type so
much and so they could see more of the program at once on the screen. They
would complain loudly about the myriad petty time-wasting tasks the
compilers demand of them.

There are some efforts in this direction: NetRexx, Bali, and visual editors
(e.g. IBM's Visual Age is a start) that can collapse detail irrelevant to
the current purpose.

The Shoemaker Has No Shoes

Imagine having an accountant as a client who insisted on maintaining his
general ledgers using a word processor. You would do you best to persuade
him that his data should be structured. He needs validation with cross field
checks. You would persuade him he could do so much more with that data when
stored in a database, including controlled simultaneous update.

Imagine taking on a software developer as a client. He insists on
maintaining all his data with a text editor. He is not yet even exploiting
the word processor's colour, type size or fonts.

Think of what might happen if we started storing source code as structured
data. We could view the same source code in many alternate ways, e.g. as
Java, as NextRex, as a decision table, as a flow chart, as a loop structure
skeleton (with the detail stripped off), as Java with various levels of
detail or comments removed, as Java with highlights on the variables and
method invocations of current interest, or as Java with generated comments
about argument names and/or types. We could display complex arithmetic
expressions in 2D, the way TeX and mathematicians do. You could see code
with additional or fewer parentheses, (depending on how comfortable you feel
with the precedence rules ). Parenthesis nests could use varying size and
colour to help matching by eye. With changes as transparent overlay sets
that you can optionally remove or apply, you could watch in real time as
other programmers on your team, working in a different country, modified
code in classes that you were working on too.

You could use the full colour abilities of the modern screen to give
subliminal clues, e.g. by automatically assigning a portion of the spectrum
to each package/class using a pastel shades as the backgrounds to any
references to methods or variables of that class. You could bold face the
definition of any identifier to make it stand out.

You could ask what methods/constructors will produce an object of type X?
What methods will accept an object of type X as a parameter? What variables
are accessible in this point in the code? By clicking on a method invocation
or variable reference, you could see its definition, helping sort out which
version of a given method will actually be invoked. You could ask to
globally visit all references to a given method or variable, and tick them
off once each was dealt with. You could do quite a bit of code writing by
point and click.

Some of these ideas would not pan out. But the best way to find out which
would be valuable in practice is to try them. Once we had the basic tool, we
could experiment with hundreds of similar ideas to make like easier for the
maintenance programmer.

I discuss this further under SCID and in the SCID student project.

Contributors

The following are some of the people who contributed to this list. My
lawyers recommended I exclude those who taught by example.

   * Hugh McDonald, hughmcd@ican
   * Gareth Meyrick, gareth@pangloss.ucsf.edu
   * Jarle Stabell, jarle.stabell@dokpro.uio.no
   * Ko-Haw Nieh, niko@quality.com
   * Jim Johnson, jimj@jumpmusic.com
   * Jim Hyslop, Jim.Hyslop@mars.leitch.com
   * George Ruban, gruban%adsl4@gte.com
   * Mats Carlid, mats@adbk.se
   * John P. McGrath, mcgrath@enter.net
   * Brian Hurt, brianh@bit3.com
   * Chris Schlenker, Christoph.Schlenker@gfk.de
   * Nicholas Widdows, nicholas.widdows@traceplc.co.uk
   * Greg Compestine, gregcompestine@caleb-bldr.com
   * Carl L. Gay, sigue@thecia.net
   * Leonid Efros, l_efros@hotmail.com
   * Richard W. Noble, rwnoble@san.rr.com
   * Simon Broad, simon.broad@macro4.com
   * Doron Rajwan, doron@capella.co.il
   * Austin Rosenfeld, ablomi@yahoo.com
   * Wes Groleau, wwgrol@ftw.rsc.raytheon.com
   * Joshua Schpok, schpok@hotmail.com
   * Russ Fink, rfink@bbn.com
   * John Matthews, John.Matthews@nectech.co.uk
   * Neugroschl Scott, Neugroschl.Scott@LittonDSD.com

This article appeared in Java Developers' Journal (volume 2 issue 6). I also
spoke on this topic in 1997 November at the Colorado Summit Conference. It
has been gradually growing ever since. I have had quite a few requests for
permission to build links here. You are welcome to create links, but please
don't repost the essay since the original changes frequently.

If you enjoyed this essay you might like this one on how to write like a
newbie.

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